When an argument between two or more people begins, there are a few options
for handling it. Most of us will either cut off communication and avoid
dealing with the problem, or we will get very angry and make a scene. Before
long, either we become frozen in our avoidance or else we end up with legal
hassles and expense. It is good to know that there is another alternative
mediation.
Mediation is a form of conflict resolution wherein all parties to a dispute
meet together with a neutral person, the mediator, who serves as the
facilitator. All the issues of the conflict are discussed and everyone has
a chance to express him/herself. The goal of mediation is to end with a
written, workable agreement for the future which is satisfactory to all
of the participants. It is voluntary and confidential, and can be employed
for a vast variety of conflicts, from business issues to divorce, landlord-tenant
arguments to real estate contract disputes. Anyone can use the process,
even those who are litigating against one another.* In addition, because
the parties share the costs of the sessions and attorneys need not be present,
mediation is often far less expensive than other forms of conflict resolution.
During the sessions, the mediator keeps track of the issues involved and
opens communication lines between the participants. She must know how to
listen and how to encourage the disputants to listen. A good mediator explains
the significance of listening to the parties at the beginning of the session
and reminds them about it if necessary throughout the mediation. Listening
requires that we put aside our need to defend ourselves; it demands attentiveness
and a desire to learn what the other person has to say beyond any insistence
on being right. When participants begin to really listen to one another,
the atmosphere in the room changes. Resolution becomes possible, for while
the parties may not like what they hear, at least they are educating themselves.
They can begin to receive all points of view.
The mediator performs a delicate balancing act during the mediation. On
the one hand, she encourages the participants to speak directly to one another
in order to clear up misunderstandings and make way for healing. On the
other hand, she needs to be honest and direct with people if they become
angry, greedy or vindictive. If a point needs to be made that one or more
parties may resist, she has to be willing to make it nonetheless. She must
somehow find the words, gestures and tone of voice that support truth to
come forth and resistance to fade. Many people find that the mediator's
neutrality and nonattachment to the outcome of the dispute helps them to
receive what she has to say. They know that every person at the table will
be treated with the same respect and equality.
Mediation gives the parties a lot of flexibility in the resolution process.
The final agreement may include payment plans, bartering or personal
statements that could never be included by a judge or jury. Since all of
the participants can brainstorm possible outcomes, the creativity of the
group surpasses what any individual might come up with. And although the
mediator facilitates the dialogue, she is not a decision maker. Only the
parties will decide if the final agreement suits their needs. If it does,
the mediator writes up a contract and everyone involved signs it. If an
enforceability clause is included, the contract is then enforceable in a
court of law.
The primary purpose of mediation is to facilitate an end to the dispute
if this is possible. Ultimately, it is the participants who must decide
whether they are committed to finding a workable solution. Mediation gives
them the power to speak honestly with one another, to confront difficulties
together, and to creatively search for an appropriate outcome. It is a conflict
resolution process which can heal relationships and strengthen personal
connections for the future. Perhaps most importantly, it helps people to
take responsibility for their disagreements and provides a safe and stable
environment for ending them.
Mediation is a method and process which helps us to resolve our differences
and live honestly with each other. By resolving our personal disputes in
this way, we can contribute our part to a larger, global vision of world
peace.
*Criminal and precedent setting cases are not appropriate for mediation.
ShastaSpirit
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